Understanding a Mutually Destructive Relationship Between Individuals With Borderline Personality Disorder and Their Favorite Person

Summary & key facts

The researchers looked at posts from blogs and social sites written by people with borderline personality disorder to learn about their intense ties to a “favorite person” (FP). They found that people with BPD can become overly attached and obsessed with an FP, and that this causes a lot of suffering for the person with BPD and strain on the relationship. Over time, the FP — who might be a friend, partner, or family member — often gives up trying to meet the high emotional needs and the relationship drifts apart. The authors suggest a certain FP type called the “Teddy Bear Person” and the idea of being extra sensitive to rejection may help explain why these relationships become destructive.

Key facts:

• The study used data mining of real posts from online communities, like blogs and social media, to find patterns in FP relationships described by people with borderline personality disorder.
• A “favorite person” can be a friend, romantic partner, or family member who becomes the main focus of a person with BPD’s emotional needs.
• People with BPD in these accounts formed intense and insecure attachments to their FP and reported suffering a great deal because their feelings felt out of control.
• As the person with BPD becomes more obsessed, their FP often loses hope that the relationship can work and starts to stop meeting the person’s emotional expectations.
• When the FP stops trying to meet those expectations, the relationship commonly ends as the FP drifts away.
• The authors identify a subtype they call the “Teddy Bear Person” and mention the rejection-sensitivity idea — meaning a strong fear or expectation of being rejected — as a way to understand how these two people interact.

Abstract

OBJECTIVE: Individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) commonly have a favorite person (FP), whom they are heavily emotionally attached to and dependent on. This study aims to identify and illustrate the patterns of destructive FP relationships based on actual experiences described by those with BPD. METHODS: A data mining process was conducted using raw data collected from online communities, such as blogs and social networks. An in-depth review of the information to better understand the natural course of the FP relationship was also conducted. RESULTS: Individuals with BPD form an intense and insecure attachment toward their FP, from which they enormously suffer. FPs can be their friends, romantic or life partners, or family members. As their feelings go beyond their control, being increasingly obsessed with their FP, they make their FP gradually lose hope in continuing the relationship and want to quit trying to fulfill their needs. The relationship finally ends when the FP stops being responsible for meeting their expectations and eventually drifts away. CONCLUSION: This study suggests that certain FPs, distinctively named Teddy Bear Person, may behave in a particular manner to increase the likelihood of the FP relationship becoming more destructive. Moreover, the rejection sensitivity model should be discussed to understand their dysfunctional interaction.

Topics

Digital Mental Health Interventions Personality Disorders and Psychopathology Personality Traits and Psychology

Categories

Clinical Psychology Psychology Social Sciences

Tags

Borderline personality disorder Clinical psychology Dysfunctional family Feeling Personality Psychoanalysis Psychology Romance Social psychology

Conditions & symptoms

Anxiety Anxiety or worry Feeling disconnected from others Sadness or low mood