The Pressure to Be ‘Strong’ Is Killing Men. So Why Won’t They Ask for Help?
Men today are facing a mental health crisis with nearly one in ten males in the US experiencing depression — and one in eight men in the UK is struggling with one of the common mental health issues. Despite this, less than half of these men receive treatment according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, and are more than four times likely to die by suicide than women.
Studies show that men are also much more reluctant to seek help than women due to factors such as stigma and traditional ideas of masculinity.
States of Mind speaks to experts about the struggles and challenges men face today — from struggling to seek support and open up, to meeting traditional roles of masculinity in a changing world.
Opening to Vulnerability and Seeking Support
“Men’s mental health struggle is much more visible than it was in the past,” says Chris Reed, founder Northern Illinois Recovery Center which supports people struggling with substance use and mental health challenges.
Celebrating 16 years of his own sobriety, Reed says that there is an ideal that male’s are expected to live up to.
“I think that the thing that men struggle with is the ability to ask for help and show some type of perceived weakness,” he says.
A 2025 review aimed to investigate how traditional ideas around masculinity impact men’s willingness to seek mental health support.
The study found that adherence to traditional roles of masculinity — such as emotional suppression, self-reliance and stoicism — has a “profound” negative effect on their mental health, and significantly impacts their ability to seek support.
“As a man, putting your hand in the air and just saying that you need help with something, or that you’re struggling creates an idea that it will create fear in other people’s life around you. We have to be the one who has it together,” Reed says.
The study highlights that fear of judgment and concerns about social perception also create barriers for help-seeking behavior, but Reed reminds men that there is “a small army of people willing to help.”
“There are people who have navigated the same thing, or they’re currently going through the same situation,” he says.
“What we see is some type of fellowship being created within that, and there’s a true opportunity for connection and to share real human support that comes from just vocalizing that there’s a problem.”
Jason Firestein, founder at Phoenix Men’s Counseling, says that in his experience in counseling, men can have a hard time admitting that there’s a problem in their lives, and also struggle to admit that they need help to attend to those struggles.
“Sometimes it takes men some time to finally reach out and set up that first appointment,” says Firestein.
Nearly one in ten males in the US experience depression. Yet less than half of these men receive treatment.
“I hear from men that, oftentimes, they think that they can handle their own mental, psychological or emotional struggles alone, because there’s still a stigma about men asking for help and may be seen by our culture as weak or not manly enough.”
He says that men are scared of opening up about themselves because it’s not something they have typically done before and believe they will be “criticized, chastised or otherwise not safe emotionally to others.”
Experience from childhood can also have an impact on these behaviours, and Feinstein highlights that some men may have tried to open up as young boys, only to have a negative experience and consequently “sealed back up” into their adult relationships.
“Unless we start to reverse that cultural conditioning, men will continue to not see opening up emotionally and being vulnerable as safe,” he adds.
Breaking Masculinity Stereotypes
Society holds strong views around ideas of masculinity and what a “man” should be, and Firestein believes that one of the most preventative factors for men being vulnerable is cultural conditioning.
“There are a myriad of factors that teach men to practice protecting themselves, shutting down, and being stoic,” he says.
Men also have a difficult time sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings, often first encountering this issue in relationships, when their partner is telling them that they’re not getting the emotional openness or support that they need.
“Relationships now often require some form of emotional expression or opening up, which most men don’t know how to do,” he adds.
“Men tend to wall off, shut down, or get angry in response to relationship struggles, which only make the problems worse.
“Many don’t know how to cope with, let alone repair, their relationships or marriages after they experience problems or struggles. This tendency feeds right into depression, substance abuse, self-sabotaging behaviors, and general low self-esteem.”
Social Pressures on Men’s Health
With traditional ideas of masculinity comes social pressure to live up to these expectations, but in a fast-changing world this can be hard to achieve.
Firestein says that many men today feel dislocated due to the nature of changing job and career landscapes, as well as the changing conditions of relationships.
He suggests that, in the past, men would identify with more traditional roles such as being the breadwinner in a family.
“Many careers have changed, leaving men dislocated, often out of work, and not knowing how to adapt to the new job landscape, which is leaving men behind,” Firestein says.
“I think technology has also worsened men’s mental health, often feeding them algorithmically-based content designed to stoke fear, loneliness, inadequacy, comparison to others, and general poor mental health patterns.”
This can lead to men isolating themselves, and in today’s world, Firestein emphasizes that there are many outlets for isolation such as online gambling, video games, drug use, or pornography that can be a distraction from dealing directly with mental health issues.
However, he reminds men that they can seek support through therapy, or by taking emotional risks with people such as family, friends, or their relationship partners.
Equally, men can find support through implementing self care strategies such as stress management, satisfying work, diet, and exercise.
“The emphasis is on emotional, mental and social support, because I think these are the domains men have traditionally not been as good at investing in as women,” says Firestein.
Reed says that, outside of support and self care, there needs to be a spiritual connectedness with oneself.
“That relationship needs to be the baseline of everything,” says Reed.
“For some people that’s participating in a religion or faith, for others, it is meditation or yoga, for some it is physical fitness or being active in the community.
“There’s so many different ways to reconnect you with yourself.”
