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My Experience at a Legal Psilocybin Therapy Retreat
My journey began with a commitment. A commitment to myself, to start a therapeutic process, to commit to myself, to the potential for psychedelic therapy,
This was the second part of my experience at a legal psychedelic therapy retreat, and although I’d already experienced psychedelic therapy in a variety of forms, big and small, I’d never experienced a truly therapeutic process with these medicines.
The Kinisi retreat offering was a two-month program, and I’d completed the first month of preparation: onboarding, meeting with my guide, online talk sessions, and a gentle preparation countdown to the big day. The days passed and the preparation was done — and suddenly I found myself on the way to the airport for this next chapter. Flying to the Netherlands where the team from Kinisi, a cameraman, and the next step in my journey awaited.
Arrival in the Netherlands: Set & Setting
Having committed to the container, I’d been slowly preparing my set and setting for the experience to come. Set and setting is an important part of psychedelic therapy (set meaning your mindset, setting the environment in which the therapy will take place), so I paid attention to my mindset, reviewing the Kinisi material, replaying the conversations I’d had with my facilitator, Jakobien, slowly but persistently preparing the right mindset for the big psychedelic session to come.
Of course, there were nerves and apprehension, a normal part of any big psychedelic experience. But the month of preparation and gentle guidance from the Kinisi team made any nerves feel like soft background noise I was able to notice and ignore (for the most part).
With the mindset in decent shape, I would soon discover the setting. Setting in psychedelic therapy can be just as important as the mindset. In this case, it would take place at The Matter1 retreat in the Dutch countryside.
“Set” refers to the mindset — the expectations, preparation, and emotional state of the person undergoing a psychedelic treatment. “Setting” is the environment, including the physical space and the people present during the therapy. Both can deeply influence the outcome of a psychedelic experience.
Walking through the Amsterdam airport, the surreal experience of travel was amplified. The buzz and anticipation of travel were enhanced by the purpose of my arrival. I knew that waiting for me at the Amsterdam Central Station was the team from Kinisi, my facilitator, and a cameraman — all adding a special color to the surreal experience.
Everything went as smoothly as could be, considering the circumstances. I was greeted warmly, with smiles and hellos and hugs, a mix of professional logistics and human connection. We smiled, acknowledged the mild absurdity of the situation, and then got on a train for the short ride out of town.
The owner of The Matter retreat center was waiting for us at the rural train station with more smiles and warm hellos, and in a few minutes we arrived at The Matter — a beautiful sort of Airbnb slash retreat center, a former family farm converted into a sort of luxury glamping space, complete with fields, apple trees, a yoga temple yurt, and other wonderful touches. The setting was quiet, bucolic, smelling of grass and cold air. Rural yet modern.
The arrival was a mix of friendly Airbnb check-in and conscious preparation for what was to come. A delicate balance was effortlessly tiptoed. We checked-in, got our rooms, got a tour. Everything made with a mix of countryside retreat and fine touches of European craftsmanship.
And here the setting and the mindset started to meld into one as we transitioned from a digital therapeutic process to the real-life experience.
We were no longer preparing over Zoom, but in person. And the connection and subtle guidance became a bit more real, and I continued to settle into this group, into the space; the set and setting — my mindset and the environment — calibrating downwards, getting softer and more comfortable.
The afternoon went on. We softly mixed logistics and preparation with enjoyment and ease, discussing and preparing, going through the checklist of things to do, the schedule for tonight, a final in-person talk session, the diet, the intentions.
Afternoon turned into evening. The sun set in the cool winter sky. The countryside got dark and even more silent. The moon was almost full, glowing, breaking through the clouds (like I soon might).
I bundled up with some warm clothes, took a walk, remembering why I was here trying to remain grounded. My commitment to be here began to dictate my actions, reminding me to be more present, all the good habits being forced into action, by being here, in this process.
Coming inside from an evening walk, the main room had soft lighting, food was being prepared, and I sat on a comfortable couch for one of my final talk sessions with my guide. The final gentle countdown one the final day before the actual psychedelic therapy. Tomorrow was the big day.
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The next morning was therapy day. When I woke, the team was already moving about the main house, preparing breakfast, preparing the space. I took a moment to appreciate how lucky I was.
Inside, we wished each other good morning. People were nibbling on a healthy breakfast that I would not take part in. For me, it was tea and a couple of nibbles of some nuts and berries that I stole with a devilish grin. The idea was to stay clean and empty, ready to receive the psilocybin mushroom truffles with as little physical interference as possible.
We’d come to the Netherlands because certain forms of psilocybin are legal in Holland. More specifically, it’s not illegal in its truffle format. Psilocybin mushrooms in their classic form were restricted and therefore not legal. However, the truffles of the mushroom, the part that grows underground, were never made illegal — and thus are being used in the Netherlands legally. Therapists and retreats like Kinisi and the Matter operate in the Netherlands for the opportunity to use legal psychedelics.
We moved gently into the final preparation stages. There was a bed laid out on the floor, comfy blankets, an eye mask. The musical soundtrack was ready. We’d discussed with my guide that I was ready for a higher dose experience. Having experienced some psychedelics before, I felt comfortable to move up on the dosage schedule and attempt to have a deeper experience. As someone who likes to retain control, I wanted to try for the full, unrestricted experience, by going for a higher dose.
We decided to go for a sequence of a big initial dose — with the option for a second follow-up dose later on during the experience, a kind of booster. The total would be equivalent to about five or six grams of dried psilocybin mushrooms, which is definitely entering “heroic dose” territory.
We prepared the truffles in a tea, a sort of infusion of the psilocybin truffles. Jakobien prepared the ritual for me. There was no popping of a pill, no IV drip, no cold, calculated consumption. It was a kind of Japanese tea ceremony where I was presented with the psilocybin truffles very intentionally. I was the one to prepare them. I ground them with a lovely little mallet, grinding down the mushroom truffles by my own hand, taking the time, preparing them, diluting them, making them into a tea. This little ritual grounded me even further, made the process and experience a bit more real.
With this done, we started to move more physically into the therapy experience. We made our way over to the yurt, a sort of giant glamping tent slash yoga temple. A beautiful space where a lot of therapy experiences happen, especially in the summer. And there we began a sequence Jakobien had prepared, a sequence of body movement, breathing, mindfulness, body shaking — intended to get me into my body, out of my head, more grounded.
After that, we moved onto the ground for some breathwork, lying down comfortably on a bed with big blankets, doing several minutes of deep breathing, further grounding myself, getting myself out of my head.
Eventually, we made our way back to the main house. I took a moment alone to walk in nature, to step out into the fields, to breathe the fresh air. Further grounding myself. The preparation that started over a month ago was still ongoing all the way to the last moment.
And finally, back to the main house. The soft introductory music was playing, a soundtrack that would last hours, rising and falling to the rhythm of my journey.
We sat for a final talk session, once again revisiting my intentions, vocalizing what I wanted from the experience. In my case, it was some help in remembering the path I was already on, the slow progress towards better living and better mental health. I wasn’t looking for any panaceas or silver bullets, just some more help along my path.
And then it was time. The bed was there, waiting for me. I got comfortable in the space, like a child in his bedroom being tucked-in by some loving therapeutic friends.
I sipped the psilocybin tea I’d prepared with my own hands. Put on the blindfold, took some deep breaths, and began the journey.
Stay tuned to States of Mind for the final part of this series. Coming soon.
Expert Board Member
Unlike traditional medications, where a standard dose yields a predictable result, the psychedelic experience is almost entirely shaped by environment. This is why 'set and setting' are paramount; one must intentionally curate a space that aligns with the journey they hope to have.
