What It Means To Be a Man: A Healthier Masculinity, With George Bell
The conversation around masculinity has become divisive and explosive. It’s turned into something of a war of words. Some say we have a masculinity crisis, some are saying it’s always been in crisis. Others are arguing for people to “just leave men alone”, while others still are certain masculinity has become toxic, and is in need of an entire rebuild.
In amongst all this squabbling, very little progress is actually being made. Bridges are rarely built through criticism. And so as this war of words rages on, men continue to struggle, often in silence. Movember has found that, on average, a man will take his own life every single minute of every single day somewhere around the globe. Despite all the awareness-raising in recent years, the UK male suicide rate is at its highest level since 1999, based on 2023 and 2024 death registrations.
But it’s not only here where men are struggling. Men are at higher risk of premature death from a range of health challenges, they’re more likely to struggle with a substance abuse addiction, and there’s a silent loneliness epidemic brewing.
It’s clear that more needs to be done, and urgently.
What is Healthy Masculinity?
Changes need to be made in boardrooms, classrooms, and governmental offices, there’s no doubt about that. But we also don’t have to wait only for political and societal changes. A huge part of tackling this challenge is by building a healthier version of masculinity.
Importantly, this isn’t about rejecting a version of masculinity or shaming men for the things they value. Too often this debate becomes “traditional masculinity” versus this newer wave, but the reality is that a truly healthy sense of masculinity is one that finds a balance and equilibrium between both sides.
Healthy masculinity is about finding a happy medium. Recognizing the need for resilience, and vulnerability.
The traits and qualities most often associated with traditional masculinity, things like strength, resilience, providing and protecting — these are all noble qualities which are all needed throughout life, and are things that many men value. Labeling them “toxic” does nobody any favors. But we also have to realize that traits from the “newer wave” of masculinity have value too, things like compassion, empathy, emotional expression, cooperation.
Healthy masculinity is about finding a happy medium between the two. Recognizing the need for times of resilience, and times of vulnerability. Understanding that we need to be providers, but also that we have to provide in more ways than just financial. And recognizing times when others are better suited to provide for us.
Why Healthy Masculinity Matters
What we’re really talking about here is being human. If we suppress our emotions and struggles, we might be fitting into the “traditional masculinity” code, but not fitting into the human one.
Traditional masculinity — while containing some noble traits — has an incredibly narrow lens, capturing perhaps only half of the human experience.
Emotions aren’t a gender-specific thing, they’re a human-specific thing. If men weren’t meant to feel them and express them, then there’s a good chance evolution would have stamped it out of us a long time ago.
As an example, when someone we love passes away, we grieve because of the love we felt for that person. The harder we grieve, the more we love. Traditionally masculinity would have us suppress that grief and sadness, but actually all we’re doing there is suppressing the meaning that person held in our lives. Who does that benefit? Other than a perception of strength?
By expanding masculinity into a healthier version, not only are we more in balance with ourselves as humans, but we’re more available and well-rounded for the people in our lives: partners, children, family, friends and more.
The Healthy Masculinity Checklist
While everyone’s definition of masculinity will be different and personal to them, I do believe there are some universally shared characteristics which make for a healthier version. Here’s the checklist, available exclusively to States of Mind subscribers: сlick here to subscribe to the newsletter.
Much of the discourse around men and the stats that get shared can paint a picture of doom and gloom. But it isn’t all bad. Conversations are happening more frequently. I see news articles getting written about men having hair transplants or talking about fertility. Paternity leave laws are being examined and the UK government is looking into building a specific men’s health strategy.
Change is happening, but it’s on all of us to help that change happen within our workplaces, homes and in ourselves. We simply have to start.
George Bell's book on masculinity and men’s mental health is launching in January, available now for pre-order.
