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You’re Not Broken if You Hate the Holidays
- Feeling discomfort during the holidays doesn’t make you a bad person, it is normal to be stressed or overwhelmed.
- Social expectations, media pressure and family dynamics can make festive season challenging.
- Healthy coping strategies such as setting boundaries or practicing self-care help manage holiday stress.
- Emotional validation and resilience empower you to navigate the season on your own terms.
It’s true, the holidays can bring about a host of emotions. Depending on your perspective, circumstances, and personal history, the holidays can be a conundrum or a cocktail. At the same time influencers are posting 6-foot Christmas trees with designer gift bags underneath it. Don’t let these props fool you. Social media makes holidays seem unrealistically happy and joyful, when real life is inevitably happening.
In these times, it’s important to understand that if the holidays aren’t something you enjoy or look forward to, that’s completely fine; you don’t need to be fixed or put back together, you are human. Partaking in holiday activities is a choice, not a mandatory requirement. This article will explore why there should be no pressure to be happy if you’re not during the holidays and share how you can set boundaries at holiday gatherings.
Why Do Some People Hate the Holidays?
According to the latest APA Healthy Minds Poll, Americans are more anxious about the holidays than last year. Among U.S. adults, 41% say they anticipate more stress related to the holidays this year than last year, a notable increase over 2024 (28%) and 2023 (29%).
Why is that?
When you think of everything it takes to have a successful holiday it can become a hard task. There’s food (everyone’s dietary preferences), decorations, and hosting can be overwhelming. And let’s talk about cleaning afterward, you’re lucky if someone helps you put the food up and clean the dishes.
1. Emotional Baggage
Family dynamics play a major role during the holidays, too. Families often do a good job of bringing up old memories that aren’t necessarily pleasant. Unresolved issues can be hard to navigate, unrealistic expectations, opinions no one asked for are presented, and toxic trauma may make the holidays a little shaky.
2. Financial Pressure
In addition, the holidays can cause financial strain, especially because bills are still due. Gifts, travel, and hosting all add up, and a lack of funds can only worsen the stress during the holiday. Many are raising concerns about excessive consumerism and marketing pressure that accompany the holiday season — and can trigger anxiety and depression. The studies confirm that Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) and the desire to present oneself in a festive way do drive conspicuous consumption and the act of sharing those purchases on social media.
3. Seasonal Depressors
Ultimately, the winter months can be troublesome and somewhat brutal. Not only is it cold and dark, but some potentially have to battle Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which can involve sadness, irritability, sense of hopelessness, low energy, increased appetite and weight gain.
How the Holidays Can Impact Our Mental Health
The feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed can impact your entire life. During the Holidays this is amplified due to the chaos of not only family, but other people and their families.
Extra Stress
According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), extra stress, unrealistic expectations or even sentimental memories that accompany the season can be a catalyst for the so-called holiday blues.
Some can be at risk for feelings of loneliness, sadness, fatigue, tension and a sense of loss. When you’re mentally strained this affects your sleep patterns, your attitude, and can increase both mental and physical symptoms of anxiety, depression and other conditions you are possibly dealing with in your daily life.
Year-End Pressure
“The most wonderful time of the year” also brings double pressure at work and on social media. A third of UK employees report increased workloads and the push to meet year-end KPIs as significant sources of extra stress.
Your colleagues, friends and influencers on social media don’t make it any easier. Everyone is sharing their top highlights of the year or achievements, which can make one feel like a total failure, especially if there seems to be nothing particular to be proud of.
Loneliness
The feeling of loneliness — that is so widespread nowadays that WHO declared it a global public health concern — can become a hard burden, and isolation can seem enticing. Feeling lonely is more and more common, with around 16% of people worldwide experiencing loneliness and social isolation, though how we process it varies widely. Some may live a happy and healthy life with minimal social interaction, while others may have lots of contact with family and friends and still feel alone.
Alienation and Grief
If you are dealing with grief during the holidays, it can make isolation especially enticing. Spending the holidays without your loved ones can be a harsh reality to accept. This can also make family rituals and traditions hard to continue. Suddenly, you don’t want to be around friends, family, or romantic partners; isolation is a key component to uncomfortability. It is common to feel unrelatable, guilty, like you don’t belong, and embarrassed.
Mental Health Struggles
There are findings suggesting that general mood of individuals may worsen around the Christmas holidays — and while Christmas itself can bring a temporary sense of calm for those struggling with psychiatric issues, thes a rise in suicide attempts and self-harm behaviours in the period following the holidays.
Find a Professional to Navigate Holiday Stress — Together
United Kingdom BACP-accredited integrative psychotherapeutic counsellor offering face-to-face and online sessions in Birmingham, specialising in trauma, anxiety and depression.
United Kingdom Daniel D’Innella is an integrative counsellor based in East Dulwich, London offering person-centred therapeutic counselling.
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Coping Strategies To Make The Holiday Practical
Coping strategies are behavioural and cognitive tactics used to manage stressful situations, demands and crises, and some of them are for you. They help make life manageable, so guilt for being and feeling “different” has no place to reside.
Setting Boundaries
If you feel that your personal boundaries are routinely crossed by a family member or an acquaintance, maybe it’s time to set the limits — and at least take a seat at the holiday table a little farther away from them. This can be really hard in certain cultures, in which close-knit and interdependent relationships are highly valued, and according to UC Davis Health, setting boundaries can feel awkward, especially with close ones. But in the long run it’s a helpful way to manage stress.
Self-care
Self-care routines are a great way to cope as well. You can do things like get a massage, get a hair cut, take yourself on a date, or order takeout and watch a movie at home. There are no rules because this activity is for self.
Moreover, If you choose to engage in holiday activities, after you’ve done all you can, your mind and body will tell you it’s time to rest. The immense amount of exhaustion from the holidays is unmatched. Holiday burnout is real, and even having a joyous holiday can cause a lot of stress, not to mention the increased amount of alcohol consumption. You might need a reset from the constant noise of conversations, music, parties, and on-the-go interactions. At least catching up on your sleep after the holidays is essential.
Turn For Support
Coping also means having someone you trust to talk to. Research shows that stable, healthy friendships are essential for our wellbeing and longevity, and by creating your own community of support, you will be more prone to succeed. You can pick family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, or anyone that helps make life a little easier for you. Everyone needs a village.
Just Say No
Another coping strategy is declining. As an adult with boundaries, you can decide not to participate in any holiday activities at all. If you feel you might be deeply uncomfortable or retraumatised at the event, use your top coping skills, and decline the invitation. Especially when you are dealing with childhood trauma. You don’t need to offer an explanation, feel obligated, or feel guilty. If the holidays aren’t what you’re into this year, simply pass and let the new year roll in.
Reaccessing the Hate for the Holidays
Another way to overcome the holidays is to face it head on, as no challenge or trigger ever got fully resolved by avoidance. Focusing on what the holidays mean to you personally can bring purpose to celebrating — or help you find inner peace with the fact that holidays simply aren’t your cup of tea (or gluhwein).
Overcoming the hate for the holidays means taking your power back and repurposing it in a positive manner. Resilience is all about handling stress and challenges — by adapting, and finding your way through tough moments. With new rules, traditions, and mindset you will be able to enjoy the holidays your way. Additionally, being in the moment, creating memories can take the hate away. By being present there are no obligatory feelings.
Rethinking the Holidays
If you find that holiday expectations don’t match reality, change it. Alternative holiday traditions are an option that can be created by you and you control who gets to join you. Try making new traditions, even if it’s a solo mission. If it feels right, then it’s a good idea.
Not sure where to start? Here are just a few ideas:
- Create a different menu every year: Every Thanksgiving doesn’t have to have a turkey, and every Christmas doesn’t have to have cookies by the tree. Creating a new menu each year means anything goes. This means you could barbecue in the winter, have a taco bar, a potluck, or a seafood spread. The options are limitless.
- Change the location: Make the holidays adventurous by changing the location and the forecast. Maybe Thanksgiving can be hosted at a cabin, and Christmas can be at the beach. Changing the scenery has never sounded better.
- Decide who’s invited: The holidays should be a safe space, so online invite people you are comfortable with. Will it be family, friends, work friends, or is this a solo trip?
- Do it your way: No matter what, do it your way. Prepare the comfort food you love, the music that speaks to you, and the people that bring you happiness. Everything else can wait.
You’re Not Broken, The Holidays Aren’t For Everyone
The holidays are mostly viewed as “the happiest season of all”, full of joy and celebration, but not everyone fits into that box. Social pressure — the influence that people feel from others in their social circle or society at large to act, think, or behave in a certain way — can make it especially overwhelming, and many dread this time every year. Especially people struggling with mental health issues.
Feeling discomfort during the holidays due to lack of finances, family issues, or your mental health state doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure, it makes you human. Understanding that you’re not broken means that you don’t need to be fixed. This also means that you’re not like everyone else. Normalizing what works for you and what doesn’t is trial and error. Everyone has stress, but everyone copes differently.
If Additional Assistance is Needed
If you find that your sad feelings are becoming outrageous, don’t hesitate to get help. Call your support, and if things are drastic, call emergency contacts. Here are some signs that you need a further assistance:
- Not sleeping
- Not eating
- Hiding your true feelings of emptiness
- Emotional numbness
- Hearing voices
- Suicide attempts
- Feeling worthless and alienated
You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. Seeking help will get you through this dark time. Do not hesitate to reach out to professionals if you feel you are hardly coping or on the edge, there are people willing and ready to support you.
Your Feelings Are Valid
Emotional validation is acknowledging and accepting a person’s inner experience, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as valid. However you feel over the holidays is your reality. Don’t think of what others have to say, this is your life. Holidays bring about an array of emotions, and yours are no different. Sit in your emotions and define which coping skill can get you to a good space.
Remember, there’s no direction when it comes to the holidays, no blueprint, and no one does it the same. So make your holiday the best fit for you. Even if that means lying in bed until the evening, or making your own personal meal before going to see your family. Your preference should be top priority.
Give yourself permission to redefine what the holidays look like, how you’ll celebrate, and with whom. Make it exclusive. Make it unorthodox. Make it you.
If you start the holiday in good health and end the same, you’ve won the battle. After all, simply participating is half the battle. Celebrate the victory of completing the holidays with a sound mind and allow your tools (coping skills) to guide you along the way, even after the holidays.
If you set a plan in place beforehand, your holiday should be swell. Go ahead and congratulate yourself now, you’ve come, saw, and concurred!
Cheers to you!
Expert Board Member
When the majority is excited about the holiday season for some it comes with a lot of distress. There are useful practical steps to make holidays more bearable: boundaries, recovery time, self care instead of “forced joy.” Some holiday anxiety is normal but it’s important to make sure it’s not masking more serious mental health issues and therefore deserves professional attention.
Malta 
