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From Personal Healing to Professional Purpose: Why I Started a Psychedelic Retreat Company
I remember the weight of the glass in my hands — the cacao warm, the air late-summer sweet, a circle of friends sitting beside me. Somewhere between terror and trust, one last time I quietly whispered the sentence I’ve been practicing for months: “You will take the mushroom, and you will be fine.” In that moment, the girl who had sworn she’d never touch “drugs” met the woman willing to meet herself.
Three years ago, I was convinced I would never take drugs in my life. Today I advocate for safe psychedelic use. Because I was on the other side, I understand the stigma, the preconception, the fear around it. And I made it my mission to bridge these gaps – and founded Kinisi.
On this “other side,” I discovered what it means to live meaningfully: personally and professionally.
Setting Intentions, Overcoming Stigma
Anyone working in the psychedelic space will tell you: the biggest problem in the industry is the global stigma and legal landscape around drugs. The second major problem is the entrenched narrative of fear that trips most people over before any nuance to the discussion is even possible.
I see that second problem echoed in my everyday advocacy work. People neglect or reject drugs because of one (or more) of these reasons:
- Fear of the effects
- A person in their circle struggles with an addiction, and they fear becoming addicted as well
- A negative personal experience that caused trauma
Personally, all of these were the case for me. Surrounded by people who struggled with addiction and a highly fear-based narrative of “drugs kill you,” growing up, it was a personal trauma that was the biggest reason for my rejection of these medicines.
My first drug experience can be summarized simply: everything went wrong.
A marijuana-induced collapse — with the absolute certainty I was dying — at a teenage age left me no other option but to silently suppress the experience in my body and cancel the idea of drugs in my mind. Forever.
I rejected drugs because the mere thought of them was accompanied by a visceral, agonizing breath of death. Very relatable.
Explore the Kinisi Protocol
Netherlands 
For people with little time who want a private all-round solution to return to aliveness.
How Did I End Up Starting A Psychedelic Medicine Retreat?
Long story short: for my second experience with drugs, everything went right.
By luck, I moved through a sequence of events that now mirror the core pillars of our protocols at Kinisi: safety, relationship, context, and integration. I stumbled over the ideal conditions to rewire my fear, and it didn’t just heal my trauma but changed the trajectory of my life.
Step 1: Opening up to someone who holds your best intentions at heart
In my mid-twenties I started noticing that I would get an anxiety attack every time I was exposed to the thought of drugs – be it on TV, at parties, anywhere. It got to the point where I stopped going out because the mere thought of a drug being in my proximity evoked the “impending death” feeling.
Today I know: when you start adjusting your life to dance around your triggers, you should seek help. Back then, I didn’t, but help was on the way: with my now fiancé.
Surrounded by mother nature, beautiful sounds and people who truly cared for me, what followed was arguably one of the most important experiences of my life.
“You’re into psychedelics, right?” was one of the first things this then-stranger asked me. Presuming psychedelics were just another drug, I not only rejected the idea but also the person in front of me. “Junky”, my mind went instantly.
Rejecting my “auto-reply”, he got curious about the root of it. I opened up about my trauma. Being a big proponent of psychedelic healing himself, he intuited two things: on a spiritual level, the mechanics of psychedelics would fascinate me; but more importantly, I had a real chance to heal my trauma around it.
I felt his care and best intentions for me, so I decided to open up to the idea of learning more.
Step 2: Understanding the basics
Since I panicked every time I heard or saw “drugs”, the first step was to slowly accustom my nervous system to people speaking about it. My partner carefully collected relevant resources so I could baby-step my way into understanding the nuances between substances better and attune my nervous system to staying with the topic.
But what really tipped the scales for me was formal research and the reassurance from a medical doctor. A friend of mine showed me the “David Nutt Chart” by pioneer Professor David Nutt from Imperial College. It shows the correlation of harm done to self and others categorized by substance. Seeing this credible data gave me a sense of safety no other podcast could before.
When a trusted psychiatrist friend told me he couldn’t wait for the moment psychedelics are legalized to treat mental health issues, the scale tipped. After three months I had collected enough credibility, legitimacy, and trust to decide: I will do a journey.
Coincidentally, another friend organized a professional psychedelic retreat for her birthday and invited a small, selected group of eight friends to join. My partner and I were two of them.
Step 3: Preparing the nervous system
After knowing the journey would take place, I started to prepare in two ways:
1. Privately, in my mind. Not just preparing like an athlete for game day, lopping “I will take the mushroom and I will be fine,” but also crafting an intention and meditating on it. I journaled like never before.
2. Professionally. I had private calls with the retreat’s main facilitator, where I could share all my fears. Her space-holding and experience-based safety were gold to me. She covered it all: personal journaling prompts, suggested movement practices, and nutritional advice. I felt fully supported – in body and mind, cognitively and emotionally.
Explore the Kinisi Protocol
Netherlands For people with little time who want a private all-round solution to return to aliveness.
Step 4: Safe retreat experience
The retreat itself was held in a serene, off-the-grid nature setting over three days. On arrival day, we cooked together and let our nervous systems attune. It was perfect late-summer weather, and the journey took place outside the next day. Entering the intention-charged circle, we had a cacao ceremony and then drank cacao with the mushrooms inside.
I will never forget the moment I held my glass, and my scared little teenage self whispered one last time, in disbelief about what was about to happen: “You will take the mushroom and you will be fine.”
Surrounded by Mother Nature, beautiful sounds and people who truly cared for me, what followed was arguably one of the most important experiences of my life – personally and for my career.
I reconnected with my abandoned, obesity-scared inner child. I found peace and pride in finally being able to access and allow my adult love to hold, soothe and heal my wounded child-soul.
For my career, I realized that the very thing I had feared most carried the key to my long quest to find meaningful work.
Step 5: Integration
The in-person and post digital integration were fundamental to the depth of the insights and emotional proximity that I still hold. It was perfectly attuned to what I needed for about one month afterward. I also had an immediate environment I could share it with, which helped my meaning-making process.
Roughly 1.5 years later I founded my boutique therapist-led psychedelic experience company, Kinisi, on exactly these fundamental pillars — to replicate the safe container that transformed my life, and offer it to others.
I, of all people, know what tedious, uncomfortable, and seemingly impossible work it is to change your mindset and potentially rewire trauma. And because my seemingly impossible story became possible, I now dedicate my life to educating people and granting safe access to these types of healing modalities.
Sophie Spitzer is the founder and CEO of Kinisi, a boutique psychedelic experience company. Fusing clinical rigor with somatic wisdom, Kinisi curates healing and growth protocols for individuals and companies for systemic wellbeing.
Expert Board Member
We all carry stigmas and conditioned biases. While some serve as useful heuristics for safety, others narrow our world and limit life-changing experiences. This article is a beautiful exploration of confronting those biases to reap the rewards of healing and psychospiritual growth.
Norway 
United Kingdom 
